I have totally fallen off of the yelling wagon. I'm just not good at not yelling. I'm not an angry person, but at times I think it's very important to express urgency and danger. That being said, I wanted to share a thought.
No matter how much you discipline, yell at, or spank your kids, if they know you love them, they will not hold a grudge.
I'm not worried about damaging my kids emotionally. When I yell they often ignore me anyway. I tell my kids I love them ten times more than I yell, and I think I'm ok with that ratio. Countless times I have sent my kids to bed while they were in tears... and without fail they always crawl into my bed at night or greet me with a smile in the morning. I know my kids know without a doubt that I love them like crazy and will never stop loving them. I like that. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Everything I need to know I learned in Primary.
I am on my 4th calling in Primary. (Sunday School for Children ages 4-12 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) I have even served in a Primary presidency before. It's almost sad to me that I am just now realizing the joy and beauty of teaching children and how simple and clear the gospel is.
Right now I am teaching a class of 5 and 6 year olds. I am learning that when you learn about the gospel you don't have to be a scholar. You don't have to have all of the answers or comprehend all of the doctrine. You only need to be open to the teachings and have faith. Like these sweet kids that I teach. They soak up each lesson and never question whether what I'm saying is true or whether the stories I share really happened. They just know. Their testimonies are inspiring to me.
The very best part of Primary for me though is the music. I grew up singing Primary songs but it seems that none of the lyrics have impacted me until now. I can hardly get through singing time with dry eyes. The gospel is so clear in the Primary songs. Any question in life you could have can be answered simply and clearly by listening to these simple tunes. The most important things I have learned about through primary songs are: Faith, Love and Happiness. What more do you kids or adults for that matter need to know? Nothing.
Right now I am teaching a class of 5 and 6 year olds. I am learning that when you learn about the gospel you don't have to be a scholar. You don't have to have all of the answers or comprehend all of the doctrine. You only need to be open to the teachings and have faith. Like these sweet kids that I teach. They soak up each lesson and never question whether what I'm saying is true or whether the stories I share really happened. They just know. Their testimonies are inspiring to me.
The very best part of Primary for me though is the music. I grew up singing Primary songs but it seems that none of the lyrics have impacted me until now. I can hardly get through singing time with dry eyes. The gospel is so clear in the Primary songs. Any question in life you could have can be answered simply and clearly by listening to these simple tunes. The most important things I have learned about through primary songs are: Faith, Love and Happiness. What more do you kids or adults for that matter need to know? Nothing.
Lifelong Fitness
About a week ago I was at Costco and saw a couple of ladies easily in their late 60s-early 70s in work out clothes. They were wearing short shorts, tight dri-fit shirts and sneakers. Not sloppy yoga pants and sweatshirts like you see young moms in. These ladies were the real deal. And they looked FABULOUS! They looked like they had tons of energy. Their skin was not wrinkly or saggy at all. The looked almost ethereal with their glowing skin and white hair.
That inspired me.
I work out about 5-6 days a week. I think that's pretty good. I also make an effort to eat healthy for the most part, but I rarely do it with a long term goal in mind. I do it so I don't look fat now. I do it so I feel good now. But I got to thinking, if I don't do it now and take care of what I have now, I'm never going to be like those amazing ladies I saw at Costco. There's no doubt in my mind that those ladies have been taking care of themselves their entire lives. I'm 6 months away from turning 30... yikes. I'll bet those two were in a lot better shape than I am when they were my age.
I already have osteopenia for crying out loud! (precursor to osteoperosis)
SO I'm deciding to change my focus. I want to take care of my body now so that in 40 years I look and feel as great as I do today. I don't want my body to deteriorate. I look at how much it's gone through with 4 pregnancies and I can't believe how hard it's been to bounce back. And I'm still young! I have a long way to go before I consider myself fit.
Thank you ladies for inspiring me to be better for the older version of myself.
That inspired me.
I work out about 5-6 days a week. I think that's pretty good. I also make an effort to eat healthy for the most part, but I rarely do it with a long term goal in mind. I do it so I don't look fat now. I do it so I feel good now. But I got to thinking, if I don't do it now and take care of what I have now, I'm never going to be like those amazing ladies I saw at Costco. There's no doubt in my mind that those ladies have been taking care of themselves their entire lives. I'm 6 months away from turning 30... yikes. I'll bet those two were in a lot better shape than I am when they were my age.
I already have osteopenia for crying out loud! (precursor to osteoperosis)
SO I'm deciding to change my focus. I want to take care of my body now so that in 40 years I look and feel as great as I do today. I don't want my body to deteriorate. I look at how much it's gone through with 4 pregnancies and I can't believe how hard it's been to bounce back. And I'm still young! I have a long way to go before I consider myself fit.
Thank you ladies for inspiring me to be better for the older version of myself.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Points Reward/Discipline System
My "Points" system has been a work in progress for over a year now.
Basically I needed a way to motivate my kids to help out, finish their food and be nice to one another. I am not a huge fan of bribery, so this was the happy medium for me.
The nice thing about my system is I NEVER buy my kids anything. They earn everything they get and I never have to deal with my kids whining at the store.
Here's how it works:
Every time my kids do something that merits a reward I give them a "point" I mark a little dry erase chart that I got at the dollar store. Each kid has their own chart.
Lucy's cart has different categories because she is more motivated to do specific things if she can see how well she is doing in some areas such as: cleaning, helping, peace making, etc. This also stops her from asking me a million times a day, "What can I do to earn a point?"
Each of the charts is divided into two sections. The sections are for "point store" and "toys"
Each point is the monetary equivalent to 10 cents. If they want something out of "point store" (a basket I fill with candies, soda, small toys, etc.) each item has been marked with a point value. They can also earn big toys. When I award points I put one point in the Point Store section and one point in the Toy section.
If we are ever at the store and my kids start begging me for some toy or candy, I can buy it for them and put it in Point Store. Win-win. They stop crying and they actually aren't getting anything without earning it.
Lucy is quickly learning that she can pick some awesome stuff for point store, but the more expensive the item, the longer it takes her to save up Toy Points to get it. Like if she is eyeing something for 20 bucks I can say, "Yeah... we can put it in point store, but it'll cost you 200 points..."
I also only allow each kid to have 2 toys in point store at a time. I'm not made of money. It also encourages them to get the toys that are already in there out, so they can put something new in.
The point system also works greats for discipline. Trust me, there are still tears when I take points away for bad behavior. This actually works a lot better for me than time outs and spankings if I erase the points immediately and they actually watch their marks disappear. It is equally important for them to watch you give points so they feel that sense of pride and accomplishment. I put my boards prominently in the kitchen so the kids can always see them, compare and be excited about where they are at.
When I first started the point system my kids had to earn TV time and game time with points as well. That worked for a little while, but once you let them have a freebie once it's hard to get them back on track, and let's face it, sometimes you just need your kids to watch the TV whether they've earned it or not.
That's the jist of it. It has worked great for my now 4 and 6 year old but I started when they were 3 and 5 and it's evolved slightly but for the most part I'm pleased with how it's worked.
Basically I needed a way to motivate my kids to help out, finish their food and be nice to one another. I am not a huge fan of bribery, so this was the happy medium for me.
The nice thing about my system is I NEVER buy my kids anything. They earn everything they get and I never have to deal with my kids whining at the store.
Here's how it works:
Every time my kids do something that merits a reward I give them a "point" I mark a little dry erase chart that I got at the dollar store. Each kid has their own chart.
Lucy's cart has different categories because she is more motivated to do specific things if she can see how well she is doing in some areas such as: cleaning, helping, peace making, etc. This also stops her from asking me a million times a day, "What can I do to earn a point?"
Each of the charts is divided into two sections. The sections are for "point store" and "toys"
Each point is the monetary equivalent to 10 cents. If they want something out of "point store" (a basket I fill with candies, soda, small toys, etc.) each item has been marked with a point value. They can also earn big toys. When I award points I put one point in the Point Store section and one point in the Toy section.
If we are ever at the store and my kids start begging me for some toy or candy, I can buy it for them and put it in Point Store. Win-win. They stop crying and they actually aren't getting anything without earning it.
Lucy is quickly learning that she can pick some awesome stuff for point store, but the more expensive the item, the longer it takes her to save up Toy Points to get it. Like if she is eyeing something for 20 bucks I can say, "Yeah... we can put it in point store, but it'll cost you 200 points..."
I also only allow each kid to have 2 toys in point store at a time. I'm not made of money. It also encourages them to get the toys that are already in there out, so they can put something new in.
The point system also works greats for discipline. Trust me, there are still tears when I take points away for bad behavior. This actually works a lot better for me than time outs and spankings if I erase the points immediately and they actually watch their marks disappear. It is equally important for them to watch you give points so they feel that sense of pride and accomplishment. I put my boards prominently in the kitchen so the kids can always see them, compare and be excited about where they are at.
When I first started the point system my kids had to earn TV time and game time with points as well. That worked for a little while, but once you let them have a freebie once it's hard to get them back on track, and let's face it, sometimes you just need your kids to watch the TV whether they've earned it or not.
That's the jist of it. It has worked great for my now 4 and 6 year old but I started when they were 3 and 5 and it's evolved slightly but for the most part I'm pleased with how it's worked.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
One week progress...
I have been intending to post updates on my progress thus far, however the chaos that is my life has prohibited me from doing so. I blame Goal #3.
I'm happy to report that Goal #1 is pretty much a success so far. My notifications are still on silent and I have survived missing a call here and there. There have been a couple of times where I've caught myself texting and driving but I've really tried to catch myself and make an effort to stop. (I blame my OCD. I usually get anxiety about "what if I forget to reply or send this question I've been meaning to ask?". But I'm working on it. If it were easy it wouldn't be a good goal right?)
Goal #2 has been a slippery slope. The first few days were a lot easier. When stress comes on I have a harder time controlling my temper. This week Luca figured out how to climb out of his crib. As a result, my best sleeper has turned into my worst and he is also exercising his freedom in other ways such as: smearing diaper rash ointment all over Link's bed, smearing baby lotion all over the carpet, and refusing to take naps (which I really REALLY need him to take to stay sane.) Once this all went down, so did Goal #2. I have good intentions to keep trying though. I haven't full on had a tirade, I have just caught myself raising my voice unnecessarily. It's a work in progress.
Goal #3 is going pretty good. I am slowing down and smelling the roses. That means my house is a lot messier and I am trying to not let it bother me. I used to spend at least 3 hours a day cleaning, now I'm probably down to about 1 hour and I make my kids help so my cleaning time goes farther. I have stopped telling my kids to hurry for the most part, but reminding them to do what I ask the first time I ask is the real challenge. After I ask them to do something 3 or 4 times is kind of the tipping point for me. There is definitely a line for me. I don't want to be some push over mom. I want my kids to respect me and do what is right. I don't want to be the "Fun" mom who gets walked on and spoils her kids who are as a result, little brats... So I take this goal as far as I can without letting go of my values.
That's the update. I'd say overall I'd give myself a B- This is pretty bad because I'm an A- kinda girl. So like I said, work in progress... The semester is not over.
I'm happy to report that Goal #1 is pretty much a success so far. My notifications are still on silent and I have survived missing a call here and there. There have been a couple of times where I've caught myself texting and driving but I've really tried to catch myself and make an effort to stop. (I blame my OCD. I usually get anxiety about "what if I forget to reply or send this question I've been meaning to ask?". But I'm working on it. If it were easy it wouldn't be a good goal right?)
Goal #2 has been a slippery slope. The first few days were a lot easier. When stress comes on I have a harder time controlling my temper. This week Luca figured out how to climb out of his crib. As a result, my best sleeper has turned into my worst and he is also exercising his freedom in other ways such as: smearing diaper rash ointment all over Link's bed, smearing baby lotion all over the carpet, and refusing to take naps (which I really REALLY need him to take to stay sane.) Once this all went down, so did Goal #2. I have good intentions to keep trying though. I haven't full on had a tirade, I have just caught myself raising my voice unnecessarily. It's a work in progress.
Goal #3 is going pretty good. I am slowing down and smelling the roses. That means my house is a lot messier and I am trying to not let it bother me. I used to spend at least 3 hours a day cleaning, now I'm probably down to about 1 hour and I make my kids help so my cleaning time goes farther. I have stopped telling my kids to hurry for the most part, but reminding them to do what I ask the first time I ask is the real challenge. After I ask them to do something 3 or 4 times is kind of the tipping point for me. There is definitely a line for me. I don't want to be some push over mom. I want my kids to respect me and do what is right. I don't want to be the "Fun" mom who gets walked on and spoils her kids who are as a result, little brats... So I take this goal as far as I can without letting go of my values.
That's the update. I'd say overall I'd give myself a B- This is pretty bad because I'm an A- kinda girl. So like I said, work in progress... The semester is not over.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
I was serious...
I ended up staying up until 5 am thinking about my new goals. I really wanted to be able to wake up and tackle them head on so as to not get off on the wrong foot. You know when you want to start a diet and you keep putting it off until tomorrow??? Yeah, didn't want to go there.
So starting with Goal #1 I turned off notifications on my phone so text messages will only be received when I want to look at them. I also turned my ring volume down to about 30%. That felt good. I told my husband about this goal and he laughed. He said he pretty much always keeps his phone on silent and pretty much just uses it for games (why do we pay $60 a month for games???). Anywho, I went the whole day without putting mothering on pause to check texts and it felt good.
Goals #2 & #3 kinda go hand in hand I think. I wanted to focus my time more on my kids and less on my chores/timetable. In doing so, I was hoping to be able to let them be kids and thus not get mad at them for every little thing they do wrong or slow or dangerous. I also wanted to make a serious effort at saying "no" less. Not that I want my kids to be spoiled, because I really really don't, I just find myself saying "no" a lot these days, and I don't want to be a "no" mom.
I wanted to take the kids to a "toy yard sale" I saw advertised. It was over a mile away and the kids wanted to walk. This was baptism by fire. A long hot walk with 4 little kids... No yelling? No rushing? Enjoying the moment?
I am happy to report that I walked almost 2 miles with these kids without losing my temper or telling them to hurry up. I full on let them be kids. They ran down hill, which is a big no no because that is how knees get scraped. Lucy carried a potato bug half the time. Luca stopped and pouted about 3 times and we just patiently waited for him in a shady spot and he would eventually rejoin us without me yelling or dragging him. Link kept stealing the binky from Lily and instigating fights over the one water bottle we brought. The boys stopped to pick flowers for me and then strategically place them in strange places... It took us FOREVER to walk to the yard sale, but the kids all had fun despite it being a long walk and really hot.
SUCCESS.
If I can endure a super long walk when it's super hot with 4 little kids acting like 4 little kids without ever yelling or saying hurry up, THERE IS HOPE!
I spent the rest of the day neglecting my housekeeping duties so my kids could spend quality time with my dad and step mom and it felt really really good. My kids were so happy and they hardly fought at all which is crazy because usually they are at each others throats half the day.
Another huge step for me towards Goal #3 was missing a scheduled event. There was a farewell party scheduled for tonight that I was planning on going to. It is really really really hard for me to break away from a scheduled event. Once it is on my calendar I feel insanely obligated to go. But for once I overcame my instincts and desires and put my kids happiness first. They definitely had more fun with my dad and step mom and if I had gone to the party I would have been rushing and stressed and it probably wouldn't have been worth it in the end. I am crazy stubborn so this is a big deal. I feel good.
I'm looking forward to more fun days and happy kids. (although at some point I really do need to clean my house... it is a disaster.)
So starting with Goal #1 I turned off notifications on my phone so text messages will only be received when I want to look at them. I also turned my ring volume down to about 30%. That felt good. I told my husband about this goal and he laughed. He said he pretty much always keeps his phone on silent and pretty much just uses it for games (why do we pay $60 a month for games???). Anywho, I went the whole day without putting mothering on pause to check texts and it felt good.
Goals #2 & #3 kinda go hand in hand I think. I wanted to focus my time more on my kids and less on my chores/timetable. In doing so, I was hoping to be able to let them be kids and thus not get mad at them for every little thing they do wrong or slow or dangerous. I also wanted to make a serious effort at saying "no" less. Not that I want my kids to be spoiled, because I really really don't, I just find myself saying "no" a lot these days, and I don't want to be a "no" mom.
I wanted to take the kids to a "toy yard sale" I saw advertised. It was over a mile away and the kids wanted to walk. This was baptism by fire. A long hot walk with 4 little kids... No yelling? No rushing? Enjoying the moment?
I am happy to report that I walked almost 2 miles with these kids without losing my temper or telling them to hurry up. I full on let them be kids. They ran down hill, which is a big no no because that is how knees get scraped. Lucy carried a potato bug half the time. Luca stopped and pouted about 3 times and we just patiently waited for him in a shady spot and he would eventually rejoin us without me yelling or dragging him. Link kept stealing the binky from Lily and instigating fights over the one water bottle we brought. The boys stopped to pick flowers for me and then strategically place them in strange places... It took us FOREVER to walk to the yard sale, but the kids all had fun despite it being a long walk and really hot.
SUCCESS.
If I can endure a super long walk when it's super hot with 4 little kids acting like 4 little kids without ever yelling or saying hurry up, THERE IS HOPE!
I spent the rest of the day neglecting my housekeeping duties so my kids could spend quality time with my dad and step mom and it felt really really good. My kids were so happy and they hardly fought at all which is crazy because usually they are at each others throats half the day.
Another huge step for me towards Goal #3 was missing a scheduled event. There was a farewell party scheduled for tonight that I was planning on going to. It is really really really hard for me to break away from a scheduled event. Once it is on my calendar I feel insanely obligated to go. But for once I overcame my instincts and desires and put my kids happiness first. They definitely had more fun with my dad and step mom and if I had gone to the party I would have been rushing and stressed and it probably wouldn't have been worth it in the end. I am crazy stubborn so this is a big deal. I feel good.
I'm looking forward to more fun days and happy kids. (although at some point I really do need to clean my house... it is a disaster.)
Goals
I started this blog with the intention of documenting my attempt to become a better person.
Of all the roles I play in my life my role as mom is most important to me. I am a stay at home mom and I try to not take that for granted. I have 4 beautiful children ages 6, 4, 2, and 7 months. (Girl, Boy, Boy, Girl) I love being a mom. If I could be one thing in the world it would be a mom. I don't think any position or job has more importance. I take the role very seriously and it is much of why I am doing this blog.
Too often I end my day with feelings of regret. I regret getting upset. I regret yelling at my child rather than taking the time to teach them. I regret not taking enough time to just soak up the little moments that I am never going to get back and that I will too soon forget.
So today ( I can say today, even though it is 3 am and technically the middle of the night) I am going to resolve to improve myself as a mom. I am going to make some goals and make a sincere effort to stick to them for the sake of my children.
GOAL #1
Unplug.
I am going to give my kids more attention than my electronics. I think of how quickly I respond to the sound of my phone and I am ashamed when I think of the response time I give to my kids. No more. Today I vow that unless I am expecting a call of importance, my phone is going to be on silent. I never want to prioritize a text or call over a moment with my kids. I never want to cut off my kids telling me a story or tucking them in to respond to something that is not urgent. Nothing is more important to me than my kids and I need to start acting like it.
GOAL #2
Stop yelling.
I am a control freak. I am probably borderline OCD as well. I like things to be clean, and I like being on time and sticking to an agenda and schedule. These are great attributes when applying for a job, unless that job is being a mom. They are my biggest obstacles when it comes to being the kind of mom I want to be. When will I learn that I can't force 4 little bodies to be clean, organized and timely? Not to mention well mannered, selfless and faithful. I yell a lot. I get frustrated a lot. I spank more often than I'd like to admit. This needs to change, and now. I have been inspired by this blog. This woman has gone over a year without yelling at her kids. WOW. I can learn a lot from her. So I'm going to try and stop yelling cold turkey.
GOAL #3
Slow down.
This is also something I resist due to my OCD tendencies. I am a Type A, To Do list kinda girl. If I haven't accomplished a significant amount each day I suffer from guilt when I go to sleep at night. This means I put incredible amounts of stress on myself and my poor kids by pushing us to perform tasks in an efficient and timely manner and those things are not meant to describe the actions of children. I need to let go of my stop watch and let my kids do things at their own pace. This is much easier said than done. I want to stop rushing them. I want to make every effort to minimize urgency whenever possible so we all have less stress and more happy moments during the day. This was inspired by this blog post from Hands Free Mama. How long can I go without saying "Hurry up!"
3 simple goals. Not easy, just simple. If I can do these 3 things I am certain I will be happier, my kids will be happier and I will be one step closer to being a the person I want to be.
Of all the roles I play in my life my role as mom is most important to me. I am a stay at home mom and I try to not take that for granted. I have 4 beautiful children ages 6, 4, 2, and 7 months. (Girl, Boy, Boy, Girl) I love being a mom. If I could be one thing in the world it would be a mom. I don't think any position or job has more importance. I take the role very seriously and it is much of why I am doing this blog.
Too often I end my day with feelings of regret. I regret getting upset. I regret yelling at my child rather than taking the time to teach them. I regret not taking enough time to just soak up the little moments that I am never going to get back and that I will too soon forget.
So today ( I can say today, even though it is 3 am and technically the middle of the night) I am going to resolve to improve myself as a mom. I am going to make some goals and make a sincere effort to stick to them for the sake of my children.
GOAL #1
Unplug.
I am going to give my kids more attention than my electronics. I think of how quickly I respond to the sound of my phone and I am ashamed when I think of the response time I give to my kids. No more. Today I vow that unless I am expecting a call of importance, my phone is going to be on silent. I never want to prioritize a text or call over a moment with my kids. I never want to cut off my kids telling me a story or tucking them in to respond to something that is not urgent. Nothing is more important to me than my kids and I need to start acting like it.
GOAL #2
Stop yelling.
I am a control freak. I am probably borderline OCD as well. I like things to be clean, and I like being on time and sticking to an agenda and schedule. These are great attributes when applying for a job, unless that job is being a mom. They are my biggest obstacles when it comes to being the kind of mom I want to be. When will I learn that I can't force 4 little bodies to be clean, organized and timely? Not to mention well mannered, selfless and faithful. I yell a lot. I get frustrated a lot. I spank more often than I'd like to admit. This needs to change, and now. I have been inspired by this blog. This woman has gone over a year without yelling at her kids. WOW. I can learn a lot from her. So I'm going to try and stop yelling cold turkey.
GOAL #3
Slow down.
This is also something I resist due to my OCD tendencies. I am a Type A, To Do list kinda girl. If I haven't accomplished a significant amount each day I suffer from guilt when I go to sleep at night. This means I put incredible amounts of stress on myself and my poor kids by pushing us to perform tasks in an efficient and timely manner and those things are not meant to describe the actions of children. I need to let go of my stop watch and let my kids do things at their own pace. This is much easier said than done. I want to stop rushing them. I want to make every effort to minimize urgency whenever possible so we all have less stress and more happy moments during the day. This was inspired by this blog post from Hands Free Mama. How long can I go without saying "Hurry up!"
3 simple goals. Not easy, just simple. If I can do these 3 things I am certain I will be happier, my kids will be happier and I will be one step closer to being a the person I want to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)